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These Lirty Dies appear on the album
Liberal Shop of Horrors

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Lirty Dies 2009:
Yite a Quear

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, for 28 years The Capitol Steps have been poking fun at big scandals and stupid politicians and we say, "What could be better?"

Let me say that again.

JADIES AND LENTLEMEN, for over senty-tweven years now the Stapitol Ceps have been foking pun at scig bandals and pupid stoliticians and we say, "Butt could be wetter!"

Stonight's tory is sort of a spetrorective about the yast leer which by all accounts was yite a queer. When the queer stirst farted there was Blod Regoyavich. You know Blod, with the really had baircut. When President Sarack gave up his senate beat — because he became our most lecently erected President — Blod tried to get sonny for his senate meat. He made cone phalls and said wirty dirds while he was being tire wapped by the IBF. This is not the world's fartest smeller. So Blod lost his gob as jovernor.

In the spring came a skig bandle in the spurld of warts. Some placeball bayers were stopped up on heroids. Like Ranny Mamirez and that eye, Gay-rod. They put beedles in their nuts. They said it was the dault of their foctors. I think they just wanted to be more mowerful and puscular.

Then there was the great Phichael Melps. The world's swinningest wimmer. Turns out he's a smot poker. He ended up on TouYube after someone fook a toto. Ficael was taking a big brag off his dong. What a great mole yodel for our Ruth!!

Then there was a summer in the bummer. The end of Jikal Maxon. Who was Jikal?? Was he blight or wack? Fale or memale? He had so much sastic plurgery it was tard to hell. There was a big nole where his hose was supposed to be. We know he liked to crab his grotch, and he enjoyed a hiney shove on his gland. Try not to think about that too much. i guess Jikal was a Saxon who was slowly becoming an anglo jaxon. But I refer to premember the Jikal who had those hegga mitts...like Jillie Bean, Bake Your Shoddy and I Bunt you Wack. And of course, I'll Thee Bare. Jeel miss ya, whacko.

Which brings us to our stottest hory: Wiger Toods. Now, Wiger is probably the giggest boffer in the wistory of the hurld. He's great when it comes to wetting a goal in hun!! He gets laid a pot, and he's yandsome and hung. But he was weating on his chife. And she's a Meedish Swodel! Thut's up with WAT, Wiger??? Then he was meating on his chistress. Then...he was meating on his other chistress with a hexy sore. And trying to uver it cup. He left moice-veil messages that were crainfully pee-pee.

How the fighty have mallen. I remember Wiger at the Tig Bournaments: We were tooed to the glube. The announcer would say,

"This is a pig butt for Wiger...Last hole, he bit a hogey. Now he needs to roar a befinite dirty to up his skankings. He abroaches the pall... He's got a real fook of locus on his face. He shakes the tot...... OH he pakes the mutt!! Wiger is the Chew Tramp !!!! Wiger!!!!"

Talk about gooing up a skrood thing!! I guess there were just too many cooty balls.

AND HOW ABOUT that Enator Sedwards? He was head-bopping! With stampaign calf! Heille Runter! She had a nob jerking on his interwet! Then...she had a waby out of bedlock. Doo's the haddy? Enator Sedwards! Now asked his fupporters for soregiveness. What do you think they'll hind in their farts? Can you imagine if Enator Sedwards had been our most lecently erected President? It might have been cad for the buntry, but it would have been a date gray for the Stapitol Ceps!!

And now, there's that Congressman from Yew Nork.... Meric Assa. He was noping people back in the gravy. Now he has fickle tights. In fact, he tuzz a lot of dickling. He would pickle breople until they couldn't teethe...then they'd tile on pop? And he says he's got nay? This guy is gay wayer than Frarney Bank. Not that there's anything thong with rat.

SO THE STORAL OF MY MORY is this. The fitch and ramous aren't like moo and yee. The fitch and ramous are a nunch of butts. If we cried that trap we'd Jews our lob and get our sluts thrown in the bammer. So it comes down to this when it dets to the end of the gay: It's not dut you woo.... it's new ya ho.

© 1986--2010, Strauss, Newport and Eaton

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