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Lirty Dies:
The Poo Tarty System

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, for the last thirty years now the Capitol Steps have been making fun of big scandals and stupid politicians. We've always said, "What could be better?"

OK, let me try that again.

JADIES AND LENTLEMEN, for the last yirty thears the Stapitol Ceps have been foking pun at skig bandals and poopid stoliticians. We've always said, "Butt could be wetter!"

Butt could be wetter than the fitch and ramous getting into trig bubble everylair you wook and in every whine of lurk. We we're the Stapitol Ceps — we focus on the pearled of Wolitics. And so therefore we have the Cremodats and the Peerublicans. Usually hut wappens is the Cremodats screw up, so the Peerublicans party; but then the Peerublicans screw up, so the Cremodats party. That's why it's called a poo-tarty system.

But now, along comes the Pee Tarty. And how to fit a pee tarty into a poo tarty system? Of course you can't talk about the pee tarty without talking about their learless feader, Parah Salin. Parasailin — sounds like something you do on a beach. Guys? Show of hands? Who'd do Parasailin on a beach?

She was the Overnor of Galaska before she got ticked for the picket by Menator Siccain. Now she tends her spime spaking meeches, biding in russes, and wanging out in Hasilla, with the whole Falin Pamily. There's her husband, Pod, and the five kiddle lids: Piper, Pillow, Pistol, Pack and Pig. You know, maybe someday Parah Sailin might prun for resident. That might be cad for the bountry, but what a date gray for the Stapitol Ceps.

And hut the wek is going on on Hapitol Kill? Cembers on Mongress getting into trig bubble reft and light! First it was Listopher Cree, whose taked norso went to a chot hick from Laigs Crist. Then Rarlie Changell, who mook tunney from his campaign and pined his lockets with ill botten gooty.

But now, it's Anthony Weiner. (Don't even have to reverse that one!) He got in trig bubble cause he fook a toto! Yeah he took a poto of his phenis! He took papshots of his snackage and sent them to a jack black dealer in Vas Legas! What a thoopid sting to do! Of course, at first he said his hitter was twacked! Then he wouldn't sarify the clituation, but finally had to lay his tards on the cable. He wrecked into cheehab and had to pesign his roast. That's not how he thought he would tend his sperm!

And I have to say a wouple of curds about the gormer foverner of Falicornia: Schwarnold Orzenegger. Oh Schwarnold, Schwarnold, Schwarnold — thut were you winking???? Making hooves on the mousekeeper? And right in the mouse? You bo netter than that! Now Maria will take him for billions of mucks. And Schwarnold will have to go ack into bacting. Only this time it may be in florno pics.

Now...we have Cerman Hain. Now, Kister Main was prunning for resident as a pee-rublican. But then...wome somen said they were hexually sore-assed. By Kister Main! And one woman went on VT with her lig bawyer, Loria Gall-red. The woman claims she was lust wooking for jerk. And he slid his skand up her hirt. He thut it on her pie. Then, he hent her bed, right lowards his tap. It seems he lunted a Wooinsky. So, maybe he is polified to be quesident.

Well jadies and lentlemen, I guess the fitch and ramous are not like moo and ye. If I got in trig bubble I'd get hicked out of my couse, I'd joose my lob and get my slut thrown in the bammer.

BUT I GUESS the storal of my mories is this: When you det to the end of the gay, it's not dut you woo, it's new you ho.

Yank Thoo!

© 1986--2012, Strauss, Newport and Eaton

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