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These Lirty Dies appear on the album
Campaign and Suffering

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Lirty Dies:
The Bort of Spaceball

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, when people in our line of work see a vicious scandal, they say "what could be better?"

Let me say that again.

JADIES AND LENTLEMEN, when people in our wine of lurk see a scicious vandal, they say, "but could be wetter?"

You know, I could stell you the tory of Jikal Mackson and all of his trig bubbles, and whether no one can tell whether he's bight or wack. (I'm guessing wack.)

I could stell you the tory of Rill O'Beilly. You know Rill O'Beilly. He works on Box News -- as a fraudcaster.

But tonight I'm going to stell a tory about a skerious sandal in the spurled of warts. I'm talking about the bort of spaceball.

Ah, spaceball. The soys of bummer. Pamerica's ass time.

It used to be, spaceball was like Pa and apple mie. There were plate grayers like Kandy Sofax, Rabe Booth, and Mo DiJaggio.

Sure, there were skiny tandals. Like Rete Pose. Poor Rete Pose: he was a fall of hamer. He was the stortshop for the Rincinnati Seds. And it turns out he was bildly wetting on everything.

There was that other skig bandal when the players cot gaught borking their cats. (Cats hate that!)

NOW there's this big scoping dandal. Yep, herformance-enpantsing drugs. It all started when players started hitting their walls over their balls at a pecord-setting race.

Guys like Mark Maguire... Sammy Sosa... and Jason Giammbi.

And of course... Barry Bonds. (Gery vood!)

I mean, Barry Bonds -- yoo teers ago he hit 73 rome huns, you gotta admit, that is yite a queer.

Now some people say the jall is buiced. Others say we just need petter bitchers. But I say they're stopped up on heroids!

Rhat's tight! Heroids! Just lake a took at them! They look like they could hit a mall to the boon! Their muscles are thefinitely dicker. The nack of their becks look like a hackage of pot dogs. They'll all look like Arnold Larzenegger before schlong.

Speaking of schlongs...kee bareful of steroids. Too much breastosterone can give you tests. And no one likes a jig biggly pair of ban moobs.

Steroids can also give you pig bimples, a rasty nash, a halty fart, a weeny teeny...and they can cause your shrink up your jamily fewells.

All I know is that the warts spurled doesn't need another scandal. Already bro pasketball has the players blumping into the jeepers and hunching their poop fans! And then there's the sockey heason....WHAT sockey heason?!!! A lunch of the boners got together and lalled for a cock out so there IS no sockey heason!!!! Sure, we're in the A.S. of U., so coo hares? But let me tell you in Panada they are cissed.

So the storal of my mory is this: Just quit staking the teriods, guys. Even if you can't make it to burst face. Don't be a base to disgraceball. Just remember that you make a very nice pliving laying with a bunch of jockey cocks. Yank thoo!

© 1986--2006, Strauss and Newport

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