Week of January 30
The "anyone but Mitt" crowd is finally being challenged by the "anyone but Newt" movement. Bob Dole not only endorsed Romney but blasted Gingrich. He points out that "hardly anyone who served with Newt in Congress has endorsed him and that fact speaks for itself." But just in case Romney can't stop Newt in Florida or beyond, the GOP establishment has a backup plan.
Old Time McCain and Dole
[ Old Time Rock and Roll
]
Week of January 23
Newt scores an upset win in South Carolina. The tipping point? Maybe it was calling it "despicable" that he was called out on stories of how he treated his past wives and mistresses, just as one pundit predicted. Or maybe it was a late rally by the pro-"open marriage" lobby. Newt has explained how infideility is a valuable experience for high public office. Either way, Newt owes his success to the women in his life.
Three Little Wives of Newt
[ Three Little Maids From School Are We
]
Week of January 16
After Rick Santorum practically tied Mitt Romney in Iowa, he got pounded in New Hampshire. Whether his prayers are answered now depends on exactly how the religious vote splits. Santorum is hoping the recent blessing of evangelical leaders will make the difference in the South Carolina primary, where 60% of Republican voters are evangelical and nearly 70% prefer a candidate other than serial killer Romney.
Amazing Race
[ Amazing Grace
]
Week of January 9
In Iowa Mitt Romney pulled out a squeaker, winning by just eight votes. Now he's top dog heading into the New Hampshire primary election. What's the real secret to his success?
Help Me Fake It to the Right
[ Help Me Make It Through the Night
]
Week of January 2
The ever-lovable, always-positive Newt Gingrich says Iowa is a "wonderful experiment." Voters have really responded to all they've seen, heard, and read about Newt, so he's got fingers crossed for a big day in caucuses this week.
Embraceable Newt
[ Embraceable You
]
Week of December 26
North Korea's crazed Kim-Jong il figured he might not actually be immortal, so he left a careful succession plan for his people. We never seemed to know just what was up with his nukes (or much else inside that funny country), but he did let the world know his plans for a transition to democracy.
Just Like Kim
[ Cat's in the Cradle
]
Week of December 19
All eyes are once again on Newt Gingrich, now the latest (and last?) rising GOP candidate to challenge Mitt. Rival Ron Paul, jealous of his popularity, attacks him as a hypocrite. So... has Gingrich been consistent, or has Newt evolved since he led the 1994 Republican revolution in Congress?
How the Gin-Grinch Stole Congress
[ How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
]
Get the album: A Whole Newt World (1995) — on sale only $6!
Week of December 12
It all began
30 years ago this week. The Capitol Steps
were born
in December, 1981 when some staffers for Senator Charles Percy were planning entertainment for a Christmas party. Our first idea was to stage a nativity play, but in the whole Congress we couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
Since then, we've learned
a thing or two
We Didn't Start Satire
[ We Didn't Start the Fire
]
Week of December 5
Cain's campaign is finally down the drain — and we're going to miss him! Where are his supporters going? According to the Union Leader, they'll go to Gingrich... because they're "looking for someone with passion." It figures. Cain is only alleged to have had a single affair; Newt has actually had quite a few, and he's proud to say it. If only those voters had been looking for creepiness instead of passion, Herman would still be leading in the polls.
Grandma Got the Creeps Cuz Herman Cain's Here
[ Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer
]
Get the album: Weiner Wonderland (2011) —
only $3.99 on iTunes!!
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